Maternal

Dear Stella,

I feel like I have to put this into words, maybe before this beautiful part of your life goes away and you move on to other things. Not that I want you to give it up. In fact, I hope that it is a wonderful window into what may come. However, the problem is, I'm not sure exactly HOW to put it into words. Maybe this picture might be a start?

This is you at 3 and a half. You're wearing your bunny, in a homemade sling that I made for you out of leftover fabric from your blanket for school. You have a "purse" with some change in it, and slung over the other shoulder, a "diaper bag" with an extra diaper and a shirt. You know, for Bunny. You told me that you were headed to Grammy's house on the airplane with your baby and you'd be back in a week. 

It's not the story that I'm most interested in, although it does make a good one, but the care at which you prepared your bunny for the trip. The desire to swaddle her in a sling and hold her close. Your maternal show of affection for all of your stuffed animals makes me smile with such deep joy, I cannot tell you. the other night, you were late coming down for dinner. Why? You were singing a lullaby (your version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow) and putting Bunny to sleep. You sang her the song, wrapped her lovingly in a blanket, and put her in the baby bed. You even tip-toed out of your bedroom and told us that we had better turn off the music downstairs so we didn't wake Bunny. Last night, you chose to sit on the couch after dinner and "breastfeed" Bunny. You even yelled at Scupper that he was distracting her and he needed to stop playing ball. You burped her, swaddled her back in a blanket, and put her in your small stroller, ready for a "nighttime walk" around the house. 

I'm sure I could look at this all another way - that all you think I do is feed Louisa, wrap her in copious amounts of blankets, and put her down for naps. But since you've been doing this before Louisa was born, I can only assume this is just you. Wonderful you. The joy spread across your face as you tend to your animals... the beauty of your songs... the sweetness of your voice. 

Many years down the road, if you decide that children are something you'd like to consider, I hope I remember each of these moments, to tell you of the love for which you've shown your pretend babies and how you'll be the sweetest, most tender mother to your child. Your soul glows with love, my dear. With love.