Tips for Flying with a Toddler

Stella and I just returned from 10 days with my parents. WOOHOO. We both were spoiled and pampered by my 'rents (and more pictures from her awesome vacation are to follow. I did not do much of anything save for write my dissertation). But I do want to share some tips I learned from 16 hours of air travel.

1. MYTH: Sitting in the back of the plane usually means that you will get an extra seat open in your row so your lap child can sit there. REALITY: sitting in the back of the plane is loud, but you may be placed next to other families that have small kids. This can be a boon - especially when those kids are (literally!) all the same age range as your kid. And this might mean that for a 4 hour leg of your 6 hour journey in the air, the kid across the aisle will have a DVD player and your kid will happily watch it because she has really never seen TV. Or watch the other kid blow tiny bubbles. Or sing her songs. Or share her crackers. Or the mom sitting next to you will hold your daughter while you pee, and have her son next to her sing songs and play peek-a-boo with your kid. And the maybe becuase of the noise, your kid will sleep a wonderful and peaceful 50 minute nap. And you will get off the plane thinking that was the best flight ever, and know deep in your heart that NONE Of the other legs of the trip will be like that. EVER.

2. Do not have your parents encourage your daughter to walk by holding your hands so that when you try to get on the plane home, all she will want to do is not sit in your lap and walk up and down the aisles.

3. Analyze the steward staff for sympathetic grandmas, moms or dads. You might get lucky on one leg of the trip and they will wistfully play with your kid because they want grandkids from their daughters. Otherwise, most of them are angry, bitter, over-worked women who have no patience for the fact that your kid only wants to sit in the middle of the aisle with her stuffed toy, and even though the drink cart is NO WHERE NEAR where your kid is, they will tell you she is going to get run over.

4. Your kids usual toys are boring and are not as fun as crawling under the seats, up the aisle, or the purse with shiny buckles under the seat of the lady across the aisle.

5. Starbucks straws last about 15 minutes. That's pretty awesome.

5a. Starbucks straws trying to pick up the lid of the sippy cup bottle makes your kid laugh like nobody's business for another 15 minutes, even if the cup lid gets thrown off the straw all over the place. 15 minutes of laughing is awesome.

6. Playing in the water basin in the bathroom lasts another 15 minutes. Oh yes. This is great.

7. Playing in the water in Mommy's Nalgene is also a fun activity because (hopefully) your kid's hands and arms fit perfectly through the wide-mouth bottle and into about 12 ounces of water just waiting to be splashed around.

8. Books that you've read a 100 times are boring. But ripping up Sky Mall is pretty neat.

9. On American Airlines, the seat cushion is attached with Velcro. Velcro is awesome.

10. Almost 14 month olds with an extreme oral fixation may not be the best candidates for crayons yet. Just saying...

11. Socks make awesome puppets. So do barf bags.

12. Hiding small stuffed toys up pant legs, shirts, and sleeves also make for 15 minutes of hilarity.

13. Hope that the people sitting behind you love playing peek-a-boo. A lot.

And that concludes most the things I learned. I also learned that we might not be flying with Stella again any time soon if we can help it.